Day 19: Morning Dreams

I spent my morning thinking about two things.

First thought was about mentors. I want to find a mentor and be a mentor. I have talked with a couple of guys online and they have been checking up on my lab results and asking questions of things I need to do. I want to give back to those people who are sure of the resources.

Second thought was of children. I was reminded of the now short lived dream of having children. My friend recently had unprotected sex and found out the girl wasn't going to birth his babies. I thought about it and I know one day I want little Piyo's running around (well maybe just one) of my own. Sure I will adopt but now? Now with this virus, and spreading, and children. I lost hope.

This morning I started to think about that. I started to think about the research and options out there. Why can't I have a child the natural way? Think about this. Taking meds makes me undetectable and the chances of spreading the virus from one person to the next is almost 0%. The next step would be finding someone who would be willing to either take that chance or possibly a woman who became positive (I can only imagine how many stupid frat guys are going around . . . ok I shouldn't judge. Frat guys, football players, band geeks, computer nerds, student leaders but mostly frat guys spreading this disease) and who is on medication herself.

Of course there is always a small percentage of risk. Risk that I took and risk that I would pass onto another person. Is that something that I really want that bad enough to give or do?