So I was recommended to start a 16 week program that goes over the healthy lifestyfle assessment of those people living with HIV and having amazing lives. All of them have amazing lives but only 10% are living with the virus without complications.
This was the first time i went into a group. I biked there which was great! 16 miles one way. I came in and was 5 minutes late but just in time for me to find a seat with, holy shit there were like 40 people and I have to talk about me having HIV, what if, what, I mean, random people, out of my element, I don't have control over who or what or when . . . and this is when I tell myself, it's ok. Calm down. With the fear of revealing to much comes the regression back to avoiding stories.
There are so many people. Motley. I don't see anyone my age, well no, there are two African-American girls that look a little younger. They are adorable. There is a guy next to me who seems to be void of hope and doesn't see any happiness in being positive. There are two guys in their early twenties who walk in late, and the rest? OLD! Ok so I really have nothing against old people. It's about how you take care of yourself, and that's the key.
What I saw there were a random group of people, some who did take care of themselves and some who were enveloped in hopelessness and were led to places they don't like.
That's what this class is all about. Going from where you are now and taking a step to improve your mental, social and physical well being. Wow! Everyone reading? You have to get HIV to finally take time out of your life to improve your mental, social and physical health. Don't forget that. (Or you can start before getting it and take the time now to be one step of my sexy ass. Cause you know in 16 weeks you are gonna wish you can tap this and I am going to be like "No Mistah Super Man is not here." Denied!
So we were in pairs and I told my partner why I was here. She told me why she was here - to improve her life and to live better. Isn't that what we all want? I almost cried when she said that. I think next week I will give her a hug and tell her. Tell her - she's going to be successful cause she's taking a step to do it. I believe in her as much as I believed in me almost a year ago. Things seem fuzzy, but then life slowly settles as much as it can and you realize you are moving along.
I know I usually have some humor at this point about serious situations. But really there is nothing to laugh at her motivation. However if she can't do it, all her gay pals are going to show her the light. Cause it's flaming in that room and we gotta lead Carolann towards it.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Day 328: That's long!
Yeah I calculated the days today. 328 days. I don't know how time has flown so fast. I am sitting in my room looking at the painted sky. The sun is dropping over the hills and a brown pittbull keeps coming by me wishing i'd pet her. I can tell she is always happy to see me because she has that "shit-ass grin" on her face and her long tail wagging back and forth.
I miss having a regular pet. It makes me feel so excited when I come home and find this muscular old creature wanting to pounce me the best that she can. Ok so she has bad gas, she is unmovable at night. Once she had me in the covers on the edge of the bed. The bed was holding one side of the covers and she the other. I couldn't move.
But - she loves to cuddle. Sometimes i find myself laying with her or she up against me. I've had some of the best afternoon naps with her beside me.
Life has such a random transition and pets are such a great way to bring you back to the simplest forms of companionship. To see the appreciation of caring for a pet by having them lay at your feet, lay in your lap during a movie, snot on your leg, fart at 3am with their backside near your face, decide to go to the bathroom at 4am and not want to return from a few acres away because 4am squirrel hunting is so much fun, and the tiny growls that indicate she wants help getting off the couch. Oh don't forget when she howls in the middle of the night and you wonder if she's playing the werewolf game!
That long tail beats like a propeller, ready to fly her high into the sky. One day it will take her there, sooner than later. At 13 it's expected she should live just a little bit longer. However with her vivacity, she's just like her owners - kick ass!
I miss having a regular pet. It makes me feel so excited when I come home and find this muscular old creature wanting to pounce me the best that she can. Ok so she has bad gas, she is unmovable at night. Once she had me in the covers on the edge of the bed. The bed was holding one side of the covers and she the other. I couldn't move.
But - she loves to cuddle. Sometimes i find myself laying with her or she up against me. I've had some of the best afternoon naps with her beside me.
Life has such a random transition and pets are such a great way to bring you back to the simplest forms of companionship. To see the appreciation of caring for a pet by having them lay at your feet, lay in your lap during a movie, snot on your leg, fart at 3am with their backside near your face, decide to go to the bathroom at 4am and not want to return from a few acres away because 4am squirrel hunting is so much fun, and the tiny growls that indicate she wants help getting off the couch. Oh don't forget when she howls in the middle of the night and you wonder if she's playing the werewolf game!
That long tail beats like a propeller, ready to fly her high into the sky. One day it will take her there, sooner than later. At 13 it's expected she should live just a little bit longer. However with her vivacity, she's just like her owners - kick ass!
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