Day 44: Comforting the Mind, Body and Bedroom

Sensory overload.  I can't think.  Sparse thought; sporadic words.  Food - no thanks.  Hunger, sleepy, achy.  I am not here. What?  Oh I forgot.  Tomorrow.  Tomorrow.  In a week.

STOP

I have been going to yoga more often.  I thank myself for coming.  I feel great that I can give my body time to release tension and minutes for my mind to rest.

I have used lavender oil to engage my sense of smell.  I am happier when my office or home doesn't smell like sweaty socks.  I am also happier when it doesn't smell like an inorganic chemically induced air freshener with flavors like "Sea Slumber" or "Summer's Eve."

I have programmed the heater, although it needs a little more adjusting, so that when I am at rest my body isn't struggling to heat itself like a bear in winter.  I also programmed it to not be on all night and to turn back on an hour before I wake up.  Last night I had a great night of sleep.

Keep the body happy and it will do wonders!

Day 43: Another Tear Shed

I've talked to a couple more friends in the last two days about me.  I have a lot of friends I respect and want to ensure me disclosing this doesn't mean we can't still make each other laugh, tell off-color jokes, or enjoy a thimble of port.

I cried on my friends shoulder last night.  She said that I will be ok and I said I know.  It's not the HIV that I feared.  It was being your friend.

Tuesday I talked to my other friend and I told her that it's been amazing to have such wonderful friends.  I start crying when I am reminded of all the things people have done, how many nachos I have consumed from Baja Betties, the hugs of support and the laughter. 

I cry because I am happy.  I cry because I can receive such a horrible thing and still feel love, support, friendship and self-love.

NOTE:  So that all my readers don't fear I have changed into a "chick," spending my time watching soap operas and reading romance novels, I want to let you know that the tears happened but then I followed it up with alcohol and dirty jokes!  I am the same PDT, just a little more happy!

Day 42: It Could Be Worse

HIV is scary but it could be worse.

Ghosts are scary, leaches are scary, even shadows in dark creepy places are scary.

HIV is scary but at least HIV won't jump out from a bush or chase after you.

HIV is scary but it could be worse.


HIV is creepy but it could be worse.

Weird uncles are creepy, people uncomfortable with themselves are creepy, even farts are creepy as they linger in the air and suffocate the nose.

HIV is creepy but at least HIV won't leave a bad smell or make you feel ashamed to be living.

HIV is creepy but it could be worse.


HIV is disabling but it could be worse.

Missing a limb is disabling, Multiple Sclerosis is disabling, even erectile dysfunction is disabling when you can't get it up and your partner has been waiting weeks for your sex drive to emerge from darkness.

HIV is disabling but at least you can use preventive care and medications that don't complicate life to keep things under control.

HIV is disabling but it could be worse.


HIV is threatening but it could be worse.

Bigotry is threatening, intolerance is threatening, people who live by fear and reject education are threatening to anyone who isn't what society deems "normal."

HIV is threatening when you don't take responsibility and read about studies, research, precautionary steps to make it managable.

HIV is threatening but it could be worse.


HIV is deadly but it could be worse.

Seizures in grocery stores are deadly, drunk people driving vehicles are deadly, even cancer and heart disease are deadly to the skin, the heart, mind and soul.

HIV is deadly but it could be . . . wait a minute. HIV isn't deadly. HIV and AIDS do not kill people. People die from other complications that come after you decrease your health and happiness.

HIV isn't deadly as long as we live our lives in a healthy manner.

HIV isn't scary or creepy if you educate. HIV isn't disabling and threatening if you take preventive measures. HIV isn't deadly if you love yourself as much as your support network loves you in return.

Day 41: Cleaning for Health

I have been spending the last few days cleaning my kitchen and living room. Not just cleaning but throwing excess items that I don't use in the trash. I cleaned out everything before putting things back. I also utilized space and kept room so not everything is packed away. It seems that once everything fits, there's no room for more!

I have been spending more time at work making sure I am organized over executing tasks. It takes a lot of work to stay organized and more work to keep it going.

Schedules, lists, planners, excel spreadsheets, iphones, what does it take to keep organized? That's more work right there. Figuring out what personality you are and what works best for you.

I want an assistant. Soeone to keep me on track. Since no one can fill the job description "Must be willing to volunteer time to keep my ass looking good" I guess I will have to do it.

NOTE: If you think my ass looks good then tell me. If not then lie and tell me several times!

Day 40: No Sushi? WTF!

Now that my immune system is suppressed I have to avoid raw foods. So that means no sushi! Fuck! This also means no honey, steak tartare, carpaccio, raw oysters and raw shrimp. I need to avoid eating left overs that have been in the fridge over two days and avoid undercooked meats and veggies with mold.

Is this all bad news?

Well in perspective I should be avoiding alcohol, sick people, things that cause allergies or anything that causes over exertion of the immune system.

In short I take a slightly greater chance of obtaining an illness when I eat these foods. One solution is to eat these in moderation and make sure to avoid them when I am sick. I should also make sure food is fresh.

Is avoiding them completely realistic?

As long as I can keep my immune system at a safe level then I can avoid Timmy the Tapeworm and Edna E. Coli!

I ate sushi last night. It was tasty.