It's Thanksgiving and as usual my family spends their time eating and watching football. I wouldn't mind that except that's it. Lack of conversation or focus on each other, football, meat, pie and sleep by 9pm.
I am sure many families do this over and over and over again. I just want something more out of it. This year I got it.
After eating dinner outdoors on the patio everyone ended up in the family room this year which had a table to play games at and a pool table. Those not playing pool were playing Apples to Apples Junior edition (which I could still distort with clues like "hot tub"). My grandparents were in the living room watching Fox news (They got bored with the football game). My uncle kept checking the game on his Iphone, updating the score for everyone. For once everyone participated and enjoyed the football game. Maybe technology and the internet are good for something.
I went home and slept. Apparently I am allergic to cats!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Day 71: Cleaning Madness
* My parents have an arrival time of 3am so it should be plenty of time to clean up the house.
* OK so maybe that 2 hour nap didn't help.
* So I have 5 hours to clean up - no problem. Lucky for me I want to clean and organize instead of clean and stuff!
* It's later in the night, my parents are driving through LA - it's time to clean and stuff. Everything in the office! Everything in boxes. Time to stack things. Time to hide the disorder!
* They are here! 3:30 am - Time for bed.
* OK so maybe that 2 hour nap didn't help.
* So I have 5 hours to clean up - no problem. Lucky for me I want to clean and organize instead of clean and stuff!
* It's later in the night, my parents are driving through LA - it's time to clean and stuff. Everything in the office! Everything in boxes. Time to stack things. Time to hide the disorder!
* They are here! 3:30 am - Time for bed.
Day 70: Margaritas
I had thoughts about not going to rehearsal tonight. I wanted to go home and clean the bathroom, something that should have been done by yesterday. I wanted to get my house ready for my parents. Instead I chose to head to the pub and spend some time with friends who I haven't sat down with for a while.
We all headed to rehearsal and then afterward to Ortegas for late night margaritas. I was tired going there as well. After everyone left and I was tucked in bed I knew that I have to remember my own responsibilities as a friend. I have to remember how I can make a difference when I am happy and motivated and how good it makes me feel in return.
We all headed to rehearsal and then afterward to Ortegas for late night margaritas. I was tired going there as well. After everyone left and I was tucked in bed I knew that I have to remember my own responsibilities as a friend. I have to remember how I can make a difference when I am happy and motivated and how good it makes me feel in return.
Day 69: Yay we all win!
It's day 69! Need I say more?
I had a therapy session tonight and spent the entire time discussing my frustrations. I have spent a lot of time trying to manage my anxiety, figuring out how to handle myself during frustrating situations. It's a very difficult process and although we might think our lives are managed in a fairly "normal" rate, really we spend a lot of time ignoring or covering up our bad habits with compulsive behavior.
We become so comfortable in out behaviors that seem so natural that they become easy comforting habits, however they hold us back from becoming the best person we can be or stepping up to the next plateau.
What it comes down to is this. Fix yourself so you can be there for others. If you leave yourself broken, then all that is left for others is a part of you that is happy and a part of you that is broken.
It is a chore for your soul to express the broken part to others and to have them receive this part.
What are the signs of being broken?
Financial imbalance
Self image problems
Searching for organization or lack there of
Always in a rush or tardiness
Lack of concentration
No time for yourself
Walking with a limp
Unable to communicate your needs
Lack of expression
How did I deal with it?
Patience
Recognition
Honesty
Support
Action
Of course I did this with time. I did this with the expectations that it would take me time but I gave myself flexible due dates to make it happen.
I had a therapy session tonight and spent the entire time discussing my frustrations. I have spent a lot of time trying to manage my anxiety, figuring out how to handle myself during frustrating situations. It's a very difficult process and although we might think our lives are managed in a fairly "normal" rate, really we spend a lot of time ignoring or covering up our bad habits with compulsive behavior.
We become so comfortable in out behaviors that seem so natural that they become easy comforting habits, however they hold us back from becoming the best person we can be or stepping up to the next plateau.
What it comes down to is this. Fix yourself so you can be there for others. If you leave yourself broken, then all that is left for others is a part of you that is happy and a part of you that is broken.
It is a chore for your soul to express the broken part to others and to have them receive this part.
What are the signs of being broken?
Financial imbalance
Self image problems
Searching for organization or lack there of
Always in a rush or tardiness
Lack of concentration
No time for yourself
Walking with a limp
Unable to communicate your needs
Lack of expression
How did I deal with it?
Patience
Recognition
Honesty
Support
Action
Of course I did this with time. I did this with the expectations that it would take me time but I gave myself flexible due dates to make it happen.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Day 68: It's Time
I was driving home thinking.
I know why I haven't told my parents.
I want them to be with me when I tell them.
Can you imagine how your voice and tears sound on the phone? When you see that in person it's a whole different experience. This is it. I need them in front of me. I need to show them in person how I feel so they can react. I need those hugs. I need to show them with my hands, with my smile and with my heart that I will be ok.
I am going to do it this week. They arrive on Wednesday and I will do it after Thanksgiving. I will do it after the rush of being with family has passed. I will do it so my mother doesn't have to spend the holiday with family ready to defend me. I won't make her feel like I have done something other families would never do.
I know that this will take time to sink in and the night before Thanksgiving is probably not the best night. However black Friday is probably the best day. At least I can tell them and explain to them nothing is more comforting than Macy's after thanksgiving day sale.
I know why I haven't told my parents.
I want them to be with me when I tell them.
Can you imagine how your voice and tears sound on the phone? When you see that in person it's a whole different experience. This is it. I need them in front of me. I need to show them in person how I feel so they can react. I need those hugs. I need to show them with my hands, with my smile and with my heart that I will be ok.
I am going to do it this week. They arrive on Wednesday and I will do it after Thanksgiving. I will do it after the rush of being with family has passed. I will do it so my mother doesn't have to spend the holiday with family ready to defend me. I won't make her feel like I have done something other families would never do.
I know that this will take time to sink in and the night before Thanksgiving is probably not the best night. However black Friday is probably the best day. At least I can tell them and explain to them nothing is more comforting than Macy's after thanksgiving day sale.
Day 67: Cleaning Frenzy
I've been cleaning and cooking all day. I find myself focused in organization, something I have lost track of. I feel slightly obsessive over this. Is that a good thing? I feel like my life is unfolding once again. When I turned 20 and was at Davis, I felt like I was ending a chapter in my life and starting a new one. I felt another chapter begin last year. With each section, my mind, thoughts, feelings are modified, ever changing but retaining core values of happiness I cherished as a kid. I want to be as happy as I was hanging upside down on the monkey bars. When are we ever that content and happy?
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