Day 90: Wow

It's been 90 days.  90 days, can you believe it?  In a course of 3 months so many things can happen.  Today I went to rehearsal, immersed myself in our dress rehearsal and enjoyed the music.  I fixed meatballs in sauce with some linguine noodles.  My headache is still lingering however it's not as bad.  I have been drinking water and trying to make sure I stay hydrated and relaxed.  I realize how aggravated I was due to a headache, release of telling my parents and lack of sleep.  The intensity was rubbing off on my coworkers and those who crossed my path.

If there was every a downfall since discovering then it would be now when my eyes are slowly opening up and seeing what I really want.  I can vision all the goals I want to begin and restart all the activities I found so important but stopped due to lack of motivation and general distractions.

There are many things I am not happy with.  I am not happy with my current job.  I now realize how unhappy and stressed I am there and realize that change is needed.  I also understand that I can't let my jarring feelings intensify and reflect poorly on my work.

I am sitting here in the dark ready to grab my blankets, shower and head to bed.  It's so quiet.  There is a light shinning on a tree in the neighbors house.  Aside from Iago, it's the only illuminated object that is distracting my eyes.

I helped one of my students find housing, I am helping my sister get to school by borrowing my car.  I am trying to find a way to relieve my work stress and still manage to figure out how to tell myself that I am still in need of taking care of my own stress and peace of mind.

It's been easier to achieve a place of centering, although I don't feel like I have found it completely.  I think yeah it's been easy to get where I am, but has it?  It's been convenient really because there has been a lot of preparation, work and support that I have taken advantage of.  It hasn't been easy figuring out the right thing to do but my mind is resting more since I have confidence that I have chosen the better path possible.  What validates this?  I can feel in my heart that the choices I have made to get to this point have been made to sincerely help me for the better. 

Sweet dreams.