Day 334: One Month to Go

So today I was chatting with an old Pal about our mutual friend . . . if you call it that!  Our Pal, the term we called our group of four who ran marathons and fundraised together, is getting married soon.  I haven't talked to our Pal since she started dating her fiance.  I was reminded of her because there is a photo with her, my parents cousin and aunt at the Wild Animal Park in my grandmothers house.

That photo is over 4 years old. 

Up until now I haven't talked about her.  Pal-J.  Not even with our other pals, Pal-H and Pal-S.  Pal-H and I were chatting today, catching up with where we are in the world.  She mentioned Pal-J's wedding, and for some reason I think she might have thought I was invited or at least knew something about it.

So here it is.  I was PJ's first official homosexual friend.  She and I were at a bar and she casually asked me if I was gay, as a joke.  And I responded with puppy dog eyes that I was.  I wasn't quite into saying anything, I guess because like the relationship I have with my parents, I fear talking about it with a response of criticism.  I don't like to tell people because I get tired of it because people feel there is a lifestyle or agenda attached.  I really really want those memos cause I am stranded people.  I don't know how to be gay!  I think about motor boating chicks and that might cause conflict with people's perception of what it means to be gay.

Back to the topic.  She and I would have so much fun.  She'd ask me questions, say naughty things, comment on bakla and other gay things.

The last time I talked to her I was at our favorite mexican place and she mentioned she met a guy and told me all about him.  I said I couldn't wait to meet him.  She said that she wasn't sure because he doesn't feel comfortable around gay people.

Wait, not only are you dating but now living with someone who doesn't feel comfortable, oh wait he doesn't really like gay people?  And you are ok with this?

I was hurt.  I didn't know what to say or how to respond, but this person I had, well exposed my bottom to in a bay on Oahu around 1am in December had told me she accepted this person that would never accept me for being gay.

I don't get it, why do people immediately assume that gay equals fruity drinks and sex toys?  What happened to that frat boy kick ass timbre or the many variations.  What does it mean to be gay?  Or to identify with the enjoyment of penis with penis?  Did he even know I like the vagina once in a while, but a prick like that I would never tell it to.  In fact I would probably meet him and some how push the gayness in me and bring a can of crisco just to make him think twice.

Yesterday I was waiting in line for a port-o potty.  This man fell out of one with his pants down and the girl inside quickly pulled down her dress and shut the door.  You know gay people can be labeled so many dirty things but when it comes to a man and a woman in a port-o potty, it's cute, sly and daring. 

So I talked to Pal-H about this and she responded about how she doesn't like the guy but she is not the one marrying him.  I wish PJ had more sense in her.

I went up to the couple after I pissed.  I asked him if he buys his underwear cause the hanes boxer briefs were just not sexy.  I asked his girl if she wouldn't mind buying some cute briefs or just go naked. 

I feel a little better.  I haven't talked to her since that dinner.  In fact I think I left thinking that I would never talk to her after that day.  She was convinced I wouldn't be fit to meet the man she's thinking about marrying because I like a hug from a guy and I don't mind if it's a naked hug. 

Rejection sucks especially if it's because of something you can't help but to be a part of.  I am fortunate because even if I give up a friend like that, knowing that I will have a void in my life, I am being my own hero and remembering that I still have people that care about me.