Day 61: Race Day

Race Day:  It's been a long day.  You have to go to bed early to get up super early to wait forever and then you spend a few hours running and walking and recovering from the trauma you put on your body.

I found myself sore and tired by mile 3.  Go figure when you don't put in the real half marathon training and run at most 6 miles in the last month!  I remember being on the course and being far behind from the front and closer to the end.  I didn't care.  I knew I wouldn't be last and even if I was at least I was starting this again.

I was on the course and there were a few women missing a leg, who were running the course.  Talk about inspiring.  I had a dream that I wasn't aloud to run a half marathon because I was disabled and had HIV.  I woke up thinking how bogus is that.  During the race I thought how bogus am I.  I should be training, I should be running, I should be exercising to a higher capacity.  Then again, I just found out that I was HIV positive 60 days ago!

The Pal went home again and I made him cry.  This weekend marked 3 months since we met, since things progressed, since ripples would happen.  We officially broke the relationship off this weekend.  I am not thrilled but I do know the reality of life.  Long distances are tough, diseases create barriers, and attention must be paid to yourself before you can give it to others.  I feel like I have personally grown from this entire process - this relationship.  Perhaps I have stepped up to a new plateau of self respect.  Isn't that the point of disease?

I took him to the airport and spent the rest of the night making dinner with my friends.  How wonderful it is to make dinner with friends.  Although we were recovering from endless mimosa brunch and lacked our normal energy levels, I really felt safe and secure knowing I have people with my best interest at hand.

It's great to have friends.  It makes me sad to know all the people that get afflicted with a disease might not have a friend network like mine.  I guess when you make happiness and joy your guide it pays off in the most terrifying times in your life.