Day 101: Christmas Time Is Here

I am over 100 days.  One Hundred Days!  Shall we have a party at 1000 days?  Let's do it!

This year I decided to spend Christmas with my friend Debbie's family.

I made the choice not to drive up and back to Sacramento for three reasons.

1. a six foot two person in any vehicle for 8 hours up and back is not fun.  Did I mention I am slightly claustrophobic?  With the MRI I could focus my fears and tell myself I am not trapped.  Once I believe I am not trapped then I calm down and proceed without fear.  When you are folded over lie a clown car passenger for an extended period you begin to stress.

2. I didn't want to stress.  I didn't want to worry about going up to see the family and have any fears.  Fears of disappointment, fears of confronting people, fear of hiding, fear of discrimination, so many fears.  I don't know if they would ever arise and the point is I don't know and at this point I want to do what ever I can to not stress.  I am searching for a job, I am applying to grad school, I am trying to manage headaches, I am trying to understand why I am cleaning the bathroom again!  Stress?  No thanks!

3.  I just saw my parents at Thanksgiving and as much as I love them, it would be an overload for me.  Having just recently been disappointed I feel like if there was one little thing that I didn't enjoy it would bring back a lot of bad emotions.

So instead of this I decided to visit Debbie's family and see friends in the LA area.  I decided I wasn't going to stress.  I wasn't going to have any holiday expectations and further more I was just going to enjoy the pure fact that I had no responsibility except to eat, read, play wii and relax.