Day 7: Tea Happy

I received a bunch of loose tea in the mail. Chai, black current, ginger peach! Ok people enough with the minds in the gutter and don't be calling me a ginger peach. That's my roommate!

I love tea particularly loose tea. I love the process of smelling the leaves, watching them unfold in the tea pot and enjoying the aroma before you drink from the glass.

I go in at 7am tomorrow for my appointment at the UCSD clinic. They are going to confirm the presence of HIV virus in my blood. The test I took last week has a 1 in 500 chance of being incorrect. I can't imagine being that lucky. I can get 19 yahtzees in 5 games of super yahtzee but not having HIV is just pushing it.

I have hope. Especially since my mom, without knowing what's going on, just sent me an e-card that said "There you are just doing your own thing. Life interrupts, but you don't let it throw you. No, you always keep your cool!"

Such timing!

LATER:

I received a call from the counselor I will see tomorrow - well that I rescheduled from seeing tomorrow. Apparently she was double booked. Now I see her on Friday. SON OF A BITCH!!!! Have some anger!

She hasn't received my test back but she is going to call me with the results probably tomorrow afternoon. She said they are probably going to come back with a + and that she would help get a letter right away so I can start counseling on Thursday.

She asked me why I was so calm when I found out. She wanted to know if I knew, suspected, am in denial, went home and cried, hid it well . . . I told her that a large amount of anxiety has been lifted.

She told me that people around my age were brought up with this. As children we saw AIDS happen. Just think, we watched Ryan White, Greg Louganis, Magic Johnson and endless more raised awareness and fight for acceptance and help. HIV carriers came to classrooms and showed us how they aren't just drug abusers and old, gay, kinky men. A quilt was made and posters of HIV/AIDS line the walls of our doctor's offices and health centers. It's everywhere and it's pretty scary.

I'm angry and I won't let the raw emotions eat me up. Instead of exploding I decided to make this my time.

I rescheduled my appointment for Friday morning where I will meet and discuss health insurance options. I will find out more information on resources available. I will receive brief counseling, mostly them finding out more information on the study.

I am going to receive a call tomorrow with verification and have paper work copied for me so I can pick it up for Thursdays session and receive a little more therapy to discuss the final verification and any immediate concerns I have.

I explained that I am juggling all of this and I just want some peace.

Peace! Ha! Does Chaos allow that? I think not. Oh well. When you can't have peace you can shut your door, eat some dried apricots and drink some tea. Tea time is my time. No one else. Not even the Alien babies. None for you!