Day 15: Preoccupation & Dr. Shamblaw

Today I messed up. I didn't follow up on an order at work. This means a group of students and faculty will not have food for lunch.

I almost went to the faculty in tears to let them know that something went wrong with the order.

This was the first time I felt the reality of HIV - it's bigger than I thought and I am not completely ok with this.

I am losing focus at work, with band and my fitness. I am slacking so that I can focus on my health and stress. I recognize that and I hope that I can learn to be more attentive to the needs aside from myself so that I can bring back equilibrium to my life. People rely on me and when I am not here others might fall short.

Dr. Shamblaw

I went to see the doctor. The doctor's office had a chart of HIV meds and there was a sign on the door that had a couple of support groups. In the lobby was the magazine "The Advocate." I went into the room and waited.  He sat on the counter top, feet on the chair and asked what was going on. I brought my paper work, last blood work from a year ago, HIV test. He was very approachable and took lab work to do a general check. I had a list of questions that Iago had saved for me and we went through every one of them.  I asked about supplements, effects on the liver, brain, headaches, ways to help with treatment.  All in all it was a good appointment.  I did find one review about him amusing.  Chech out the second review.

The one thing that I didn't like - I had to watch 9 tubes of blood fill up.  One by one.  each placed directly in front of me.  I counted down slowly.  The needed stayed pretty still however I had to meditate and go into the zone so I wouldn't move and think about the last remaining tubes to fill.  I won't be able to donate blood again and I would have rather done that then what I went through today.  At least then you lay back and let it just fill the bag.  Today I watched each tube slide into place, slowly suck out my blood, removed, tilted and placed on the arm rest in front of me.

I will have the results in a week of my current status of Hep resistance/exposure, general health, STDs, liver, kidney health, viral load, cd4 (t-cells) and the baseline I have.  In three weeks I will find out what medicines I am resistant to and what type of virus I have.