Day 85: A Call

My mom left a message on my phone.  She told me she understood what I was going through and that it was hard but that they are here for me.  I had to pause for a moment and I remember during college when my mom had a benign cyst in her breast.  I remember before the biopsy she waited in anticipation to see if she had breast cancer.

There is a poem, used in many services, that when read from a Christian standpoint equivocates Love to Jesus.  I tend to strip the dogmatic attachment to verses and replace it with my personal quest for myself.  When embarking on the path of self intuition and knowledge you go through several phases.  I always thought this poem condensed the search into the three strophes.  First you find who you are.  Next is the energy that you can produce.  Last is the reason for searching - to love yourself and those around you.

The Call - George Herbert

Come, my Way, my Truth, my Life:
Such a way as gives us breath;
Such a truth as ends all strife,
Such a life as killeth death.

Come, my Light, my Feast, my Strength:
Such a light as shows a feast,
Such a feast as mends in length,
Such a strength as makes his guest.

Come, my Joy, my Love, my Heart:
Such a joy as none can move,
Such a love as none can part,
Such a heart as joys in love.

I think that we can't receive love and acceptance without understanding what makes us tick.  I remember when my mom told me of her cancer I was so unbalanced with my life.  I spent more time worrying about my mom and worrying about my life if something bad were to happen.  Instead I should have been relinquishing the fears and replacing them with many feasts to gain strength.

My parents are strong people but they lack complete balance.  My sister is only just beginning to expose her anxiety and uncover personal joys.  Me.

I've exposed a huge truth in my life and I find the joys and compassion that come from being honest  are worth every moment of anxiety and frustration.